An Introduction

Hi! I’m Hannah. And this is the shaky start of something.

For years, I have thought about starting a blog. I even tried once. But there are so many blogs out there and I felt like the internet was oversaturated with recipes, funny one-liners, and sarcastic quips…what did I have to offer? So I stopped.

And here I am again. Why? Because I have something to offer. Because I need to write. Because I want to write.

So I will start with the basics.

My name is Hannah. I am married to the best guy on the planet. He is an artist and a teacher and an incredible dad to our four kiddos. When we met, I already had one son and my husband has taken on the role of step-dad beautifully. Together, we have added another three children to the mix and we are still basically flying by the seat of our collective pants. We got pregnant with our daughter before we had been married for 6 months and our middle son was born 18 months after her. The baby of our family came another 2 years later and we all really like him.

In August of 2019, after a relatively blissful life together, my husband and I received news that our middle son, Shepherd, who was only 5 at the time, was dying. I’ll talk more about that another time. But, out of that experience, was born a newfound purpose. I don’t think people talk about grief enough. When talking to my husband about starting a blog, I asked him what he thought my primary focus should be and he jokingly said “You talk about grief really beautifully’. We both laughed at the idea that I would start a blog all about how much life sucks. But as I laid in bed that night, the idea kept growing. Because, really, grief is a big part of life for so many people and yet, I hardly hear about it. I think that’s because grief is ugly. And multifaceted. It’s hard to package and make people want to hear about it. I know this because I’m living through it and even the closest of friends have jumped ship when I haven’t been able to maintain composure.

It’s a sea of ‘How are you?’ from people who are afraid to hear the truth. Well-intended, for sure. But lacking the ability to follow through on the loaded answer they may get if I were to tell the truth.

The truth is, you don’t have to have a dying child to understand grief. Grief comes in many unpleasant packages and, sometimes, you can’t even identify what you’re grieving.

But here’s what I know.

I know grief doesn’t live alone. Joy, and hope, and the rest of lifes truths are always there in the rafters waiting for their spotlight.

In the last 18 months since our sons diagnosis, we haven’t been completely crippled. Life has continued to move and I believe there is unending well of goodness to pull from.

So here I am. Sitting in bed listening to my kids argue in the backyard and starting a blog that I don’t really have a plan for.

I just want to be here. To talk about the realities of life. To talk about the things that get glossed over. To maybe reach someone who needs to feel less alone. And to, hopefully, process through my grief in a way that provides relief. And, yeah, I might share some funny stuff along the way. Life with 4 kids tends to lend itself to a dark sort of humor.

If you would like to follow along, I welcome you. You can also find me on instagram at Riddleher to see more of my daily life and simpler writings.

Let’s talk soon.

Hannah.